Stop Should-ing On Yourself

A good friend once told me to “Stop Should-ing on myself”.

It was brilliant advice and I thought I would share it with you today, World mental Health Day.

 

I had been feeling glum and complaining: “Oh I should do this, I shouldn’t have done that”, to which my friend replied, in her own laconic way:

“Stop Should-ing on yourself”.

It made so much sense. So much of suffering is caused by beliefs such as:

 

I should be this…

I should be that…

I should do this…

I should do that…

I should be more…

I should be less…

I should have…

I should feel…

I should, I should, I should…

Plus an equal list of “I shouldn’ts” to match.

 

‘Should’ is defined as: used to indicate obligation, duty or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.

 

So what we are doing when we ‘Should’ on ourselves is piling on self-criticism; probably with a good old dollop of guilt as well. ‘Should’ is not so much a call to action but a means of berating oneself. ‘Should’ can make a person feel rotten, especially in terms mental health and well-being

An example being: “I should feel happy but I don’t” Where we have both criticism and guilt in one simple sentence.

So what could we use instead of ‘should’?

The first challenge is being aware of the times when you are ‘Should-ing’ on yourself and dwelling on self-criticism. (I like to recall my friend’s voice when I find myself falling into that trap).

The second is acknowledging the present situation for what it is, warts and all. View it as dispassionately as possible, like an impartial witness (this is a practice in mindfulness). Remove ‘should’ from that thought along with its associated guilt and shame. So, in the example of “I should feel happy but I don’t” can be replaced with: “I am not happy at the moment but that’s OK, this feeling will pass”

The third is to replace ‘Should’ with ‘I Can…’ Transform thoughts away from negative self-criticism towards what is achievable and positive. This is a way of opening up possibilities rather than shutting down in the shame of “I should”.

 

I hope that you find this useful. Wishing you all a good World Mental Health Day and remember:

“Stop Should-ing on yourself” .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cancer support

BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH: CANCER SUPPORT

People who know me will know how deeply my family has been affected by different types of cancer, breast cancer included.

It is difficult to know how to help when first involved with someone affected by cancer, be they a cancer patient or carer. So, here is a list of Dos and Don’ts I have compiled, from my humble experience:

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Instagram Account Hacked? How to get it back.

‏ ‏So, my Instagram account was hacked,

just in case the same happens to you this is how to get it back.

 

Keep Calm and Carry On

‏I discovered something wrong with my Instagram account when I tried logging in after a mobile phone update. I couldn’t recall my password and so logged in with Facebook. When I started to log in I was welcomed to Instagram, and prompted to create an account. “Strange…” I thought, as I had my account with Instagram for about four years. Anyway, at this point there was no option to turn back so I just carried on creating the new account as prompted.

‏Once I had a new account I was able to see if there was any evidence of my original @yoga_ocean account. It had completely vanished. I searched people and tags @yoga_ocean and nothing appeared. I admit I was beginning to panic at this stage: had I accidentally deleted it or disabled it? Had I lost it forever? I sent loads of messages through my new account to the help centre but to no avail.

‏I suspected that somehow my Instagram account had been hacked (I am not 100% sure how. It may have been linked to a a dodgy app that hacked my mobile phone, though there was also suspicious activity on my linked yahoo mail account. If any of your accounts are hacked I would recommend you log in from a safe computer or device and change the passwords to any social media accounts and any linked email accounts that may be compromised).

‏Check Hashtags

‏I found out that my account still existed because I had used unusual hashtags on some posts, #yogaocean being one. I searched #yogaocean hashtags and there was one of my pictures. I clicked on it and saw that it had a new username attached. I clicked on the user name and found my original account. It still existed! My advice is if you do not use hashtags, or if your hashtags are more general, then incorporate some unusual hashtags on your posts should you need to find them. (#yoga has over 55 million posts, #yogaocean only 245, for example).

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